so not much has happened with dillon since my last post
....oh eah except were on swim team together!
it kinda super duper awkward....but not because hes on the team or anything
its because i dont know anyone on the team since its my first time doing it
so yeah thats actually really fun i looove the workout even if i feel like im going to puke after 20 minutes

school sucks balls and im ready for college

so today was kinda awesome
i got up at nine to go to a coffee date that i wasn't super excited about
....because it made me get up befor noon
and it was with my best friends emily abbie and megan
and abbies older sister annie........who i always thought didn't like me
but then we were at starbucks for 4 freaking awesome hours!
and i discovered me and annie have tons in common and shes super cool
i guess she was just always this older cooler person who i could never be on he same level with
but i formed that opinion when was 8 and 9 yearss later its like were the same person
so i know have a collge friend

oh and ive decided im marring emilys gay cousin mac because hes adorable and i want to be her cousin
....so giving up on dillion?...ha no threesomes are hot ;]

fuck this!
i have a crush on a straight guy
fuck
well possibly straight guy
i catch him staring at me constantly
like loooots
fuck
why cant my school get more gay people?
and not lesbians we have enough of those
and theyre all fugly
we need hot sexy gay BOYS
so what to i do?
do i make a move?
do i just keep wishing?
do i tell him?
or do i just wait for him?
fuck

oh and did i mention he is beautiful?
like his eyes are made of melted chocloate
his hair is this beutiful earhty brown color
and it comes down in these perfect ringlets
ive never seen him have a zit or pimple either
and um definatly saw him stretching in his chair the other day...
um boys got the cutest belly button ever!
thats not creepy right

i woul just like everyone to know that i am a master at flirting with straight boys!
you have no freaking clue!

so first of all in my school homeroom is called house...why i have no fucking clue
also i happen to be the house captain
this allows me to plan fun and awesome activies or whatever

so im one of six seniors in my house normally theyres on like 4 so were kinda crowded
but the only one im going to talk about now is dillon
dillon is thi uber sexy cute flirty possibly gay senior

dillon also happens to have like 4 classes with me
so this has lead me to flirt with him like nooooooone other
its a little disgusting actually if you new i was firting with him
but since im so amazingly subtle it jus seems like im just being nice
however by the end of the year i plan on having dillon be putty in my hands!

god this makes me sound like such a whore

....this post was really pointless

my FAVE new hoodie
my hot button-fly jeans that fit me perfectly!
my nevershoutnever or white tie affair tshirt
my awesome ants in my pants boxer
and my awesome gray converse shoes

(347): in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him

god i love textsfrom last night

Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you.

icanhaspancake gave me ramen, texting, love, friends, and highschool

ramen
god i seriously use to have a problem with this stuff. i would have at LEAST one a day. but now im addicted chipotle! which probably isnt better for me but at least  its not pure sodium in a cup! cus seriously people chipotle is god among the food chain places! mmmm now i want a burrito

texting
shit joey just gave me crap for being a fast texter. but seriously i have unlimited texting and i send at leas a hundred or so a day. my mom found out i sent over 2000 texts last month....i have a problem. but my phone was like made for texting with a fantastic full keyboard!

love
love is a huge part of my life. mainly because the love i have isnt accepted by the world. im gay. so i have huge giant man crushes and i wouldnt hide it from anyone....except joel(father) because hes a douche bag and hell find out when i send him a wedding invitation. but i love WAY to easily. i fall in love with straight guys way to often. i dont ever make the first move because im a fricking pussy. but when they make the first move i flirt back HARD and i probably come of as a bit of an airhead/slut. but thats how it goes i could write a whole post about love....and i probably will

friends
oh i love my friends. my friends mean more to me than most of my family......that sounds terrible but my family is craziier than a soap opera.

highschool
god im almost done with it! only 9 more months! im so ready for college its not even funny. but i do love highschool. well mainly the people in my highschool...and like 5 teachers. i hate the working part though.

did that last post make any sense at all?
because it tottaly did in my head.......fuck

First of let me begin my rant by telling you about my shittastic dream. First of it started with me and keegan talking over facebook (because of camp,which i might write about later, this could actually happen...kinda) so then poof hes at my door and we just kiss. boom end of part 1 of dream. then begins the tripy second part that involves me and thisguy named dillon whos in my homeroom. first of i THINK dillon is straight. second i THINK he might be gay. so here begins my crazy dream of us like in some crazy scifi future and we end up together (very condesed version the rest is crazy) so then come my stupid nightly dream of dillon!

so this isnt really a rant about how im in love with a possibly straight guy! this is a rant abouthow i dont take action. i just dont. i dont do anything bad because i think ill get caught.  i wont go sneek out of the house to go see a boy. i wont talk to boy if he doesnt make the first move. i wont shamelessly flirt with a straight guy just because i can. so what they fucks my problem? well i know what it is i just dont do anything about it. im afraid ill get hurt. badly.

and theres of course a rational reason for all my fault (sarcasm people it does wonders for the soul.) so i have daddy issues. big as huge daddy issues. joel left me and mom when i was three. i dont even remeber them together. so its not a oh i want mommy and daddy back together. i could care less about that they hate each other. so then joel moves in with mistress kathy. really kathy is cool and joel an her are meant to be together they just met under shity circumstances. plus she didnt know he was married. so before i go on with my life story you have to undersandme and my sibling.

First there was a very big bitch and her name was Tami. She had a child named Brett. Then Joel decided to tke care of brett and tami then joel decided hed like to have kids with tami. so then out popped jennifer pat and aron. but then bitchy tami got to bitchy and so joel left her. then a few years later out pops lucy and joel loves her and marries her. then came dj(me!) and stuff was good for a while. then joel left. and so now we have the background story

so anyways eventually like 12 years later kathy gets pregnant and they finally pick a date for theyre wedding after 10 years. so then comes katelyn. i love katelyn to pieces shes perfect and beautiful and smart. but shes already got a chip on her shoulder she doesnt have mom anymore. kathy died of breast cancer about 17 months after katelyn was born.

so now that you have my amazing back story you can understand my daddy issues....well almost. so joel of course would have eventually done what hes always done he would have ran. dont say oh you dont know that because yes i do and so did everyone else. but because of kathy dying he got stuck and couldnt run and was eventually forced to love katelyn. now saying forced isnt right he had to keep on loving her. he loved all of us at one point but stopped when he realised he didnt have to. well hes still loves aron to but thats because he became a marine.

so my daddy issues keep me from doing anything. being a rebel. falling in love. sneaking out. anything that i know would get me in trouble because i think that if i get in trouble everyone will stop loving me and leave like joel did. so what do i do?

because really i have no clue anymore

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xyEjpl50_XE
THIS VIDEO IS FUCKING STUPID!
this sounds terrible but please someone go kill fred phelps!
who ever does it i will actully love forever!
that sounds terrible but seriously!
its ridiculous! how stupid can people be!

um ive been pulling all nighters every night for a bout 2 years now!
yay for insomnia!
and taking to many naps!

DUDE BABY BEAVERS ARE THE FUCKING SHIT!
LOOK AT THIS DUDES!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clpgffj3sUw

Most deffinatly Percy Jackson from Pecry Jackson and the Olympians serie. Before he finds out what he is hes basically a screw up. He starts out with believing that he is nothing but when he finally realises he has something he can be good at he becomes and instant success at it. I was always like this. I always wanted to learn but nobody ever knew how to teach me. Then finally in highschool i found teachers who knew how to teach me and i was great at learning and my grades were awesome! So it goes toshow even though you think you dont have anything it just takes one person to show you that you can have everything

So im putting this rant under a cut since im such a big baby and nobody wants to hear my complain about my insecureties about the future!

( ugg god im a whiny bitch )so thats it i have no clue what to do with my future.......NONE!

so ive been reading a BUNCH of harry potter fanfic!
mostly rondraco!
so ive decided im rereading the entire HP series!
that and i cant remeber what the fuck happens in a book the second i finish it especially something as complex as the HP universe. so yeah thats the useful stuff im doing with my summer

Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song or Album:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:
9. Do we know each other outside of LJ?
10. What's your philosophy on life?
11. Is the bottle half-full or half-empty?
12. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
13. What is your favorite memory of us?
14. What is your favorite guilty pleasure?
15. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
16. You can have three wishes (for yourself, so forget all the 'world peace etc' malarky) - what are they?
17. Can we get together and make a cake?
18. Which country is your spiritual home?
19. What is your big weakness?
20. Do you think I'm a good person?
21. What was your best/favorite subject at school?
22. Describe your accent
23. If you could change anything about me, would you?
24. What do you wear to sleep?
25. Trousers or skirts?
26. Cigarettes or alcohol?
27. If I only had one day to live, what would we do together? (If you have no idea, just say something crazy, it'll entertain me!)
28. Will you repost this so I can fill it out for you?

i hate summer. i really really do.
it gives me hours on end to think. it lets me think of the things i should have done but was to stupid not.
like that time me and matt had a funny conversation and there was this one moment were all we did was stare at each other laughing and i should have just fucking kissed him. but i didnt because im a retard
or like the time i was with rick and he asked if i wanted to go out after we hooked up. not the lets me boyfriends go out the wanna go get starbucks go out. but i didnt because i didnt want to have to explain anything about him. because lets face it, ricks is a bad boy to the bone. and thats what i loved about him. its what made the whole exilerating and sexy and made me feel like i was on fire the whole time. but i didnt want to tell mommy dearest because she would have said no. but i should have said yes! i mean if anything we would have realised we dont have anything but making out in common but seriously it would have been better then wondering what could have been.
or i realised i should have talked to keegan more...well actually i can still do this one but still i should have talked to him more at the begining. but ugg i hate summer

it also lets me think of stupid stupid like alternite ending to things. like if i had done this we would be together or if i had said this this would have happened

.......i need to get fucking laid!

I want a love that burns. That i can constantly feel the fire under my skin. I want the kind of love that when he tuches me it feels like someone just shocked me. I want the kind of love were i can just look in his eyes and we both know what the others thinking. I want the love were even the simplist of kisses can become so ikncredibly passionet. The kind of love that books and movies and poems are made of. I want the kind of man who fits me just perfectly. Our hands perfectly mold together and i can perfectly lean into his shoulder. The kind of love that i know everylittle quirk about you. That you curl your hair and you dont even realise it and nobody else does because no one stares at you as much as i do. The kind of love that i feel like shit and you automatically but on some stupid horror movie to make me feel better and then get a blanket so that we can cuddle. I want that that simple amazing burning electrifying passion. I want the kind of love that when i close my eyes all i see is you and when i dream all i dream about is your smile. I want the kind of love that i can picture us in 15 years with little kids running around asking for their daddies. I want the kind of love that you dont think its weird that I already know those future kids names by hear. And that I've decided that youll be their other daddy. Thats the kind of love i want.

Have you ever had a dream where you fall in love with someone?
And then when you wake up your realize you've never seen that person before?
Yeah so i basically had the best dream ever where i fell in love with an incredibly sexy guy had a wonderful time at a dance (i think it was prom?)and then woke up!
it sucked because it was like was that my soul mate?
have i seen them before?
will i ever see them?
yeah so thats why i woke up in a pissy mood this morning

....how lame am i that i fell in love with a dream?
seriously?

So its summer!(well for most people!)
so that means my sleep schedule is sooo fucked up!
i woke up at 130 today! so ill be up for a few more hours!
And that means i have tons of time to think and do random shit!

So ive vowed to read one book every week! every single week!
and then review it in bookish!
Im thinking this will get me some friends on lj!
since i have like 4.......I'm popular in real life i swear!

Then im also going to the gym a minumum of 1 hour everyday!
promise when i come back to school next year nobodies gonna know who i am!
well except for the people i see over the summer

Oh and I'm going to have breakfast every morning!
and take pictures of it! and put it on ofmornings!
and make more friends!

that is all for this insomnia induced random post!